When thoughts become things..

I recently met an 84-year-old lovely lady by the pool at a friend’s apartment complex. I was sitting there watching my friend’s son swim when she approached me and asked if she could sit next to me. Neither of us asked the other’s name. We spent the next hour together, and I found myself completely fascinated as I listened to the stories of her life. Although her family was originally from Kerala, she was born and raised in Chennai before moving to Noida, where she spent most of her adult life. She studied for a BSc in Mathematics and got a job with the Department of Defence. But life had other priorities for her. On her way to her very first day at work, her husband told her she could not work. She resigned that very same day, against her wishes. She began tutoring children up to the sixth grade. She smiled as she said she wasn’t like her sister, who had completed an MSc in Aviation Medicine. I didn’t even know such a field existed. “Had I studied more,” she said, “I would have taught...

\ ​ Over the past 10 days, it has occurred to me that people have been asking, “Millennials chup baithe the?” or “Millennials ne apne time mein kiya kya?” The honest answer, as a millennial, is: “Not Enough.” We were not a generation of revolutionaries on the scale that your generation has been. We are a generation that grew up at a time, when life, from our perspective, seemed relatively normal. Personally, I do not remember an incident that demanded a collective voice of action. But in hindsight, perhaps we could have spoken up. We were taught to put our heads down, listen to our elders and keep quiet. Don’t talk back. Respect anyone who was older than you. We could not question our teachers for fear of being reprimanded. Our biggest act of rebellion was coming home at 6:15 p.m. when our curfew was 6:00 p.m. We had to study, find a job and live our lives. Never challenge the status quo. That’s why many of us didn’t even know how to negotiate a salary or ask our bosses for leave. We w...

​We live in a nation where student protestors are deemed anti-nationals. The truth is masked way too much and the narrative has been spun.  We live in a nation where a simple ask has become a movement and little do people care about the hundreds of students who were brutally assaulted. Mainstream media is encouraged to get creative with hashtags and fake narratives.  This is beyond politics and you may be completely agnostic and that’s okay too. It’s simpler than that - the difference between right and wrong. You don’t have take action , you don’t have to pick a side. Injustice will unfold. History is being written and it will judge this moment.  Silence shall fade and the truth shall have way of enduring. This will spoken about and forgotten. We will look away and humanity will lose its conscience. 

​I have always been a fan of the FIFA World Cup and every four years I try to learn as much of the game and then I forget the players and the rules . Over the last 2.5 decades (that is when I may have started watching the game) - there have been countless star players . Everytime we watch a FIFA  game we are witnessing something of importance, something historic.  I have always has my emotions drawn to Germany but this time Lionel Messi has hit me different . Undoubtedly he is gods gift to humanity just like Maradona, but there should be no comparisons drawn. You should not compare Messi and Ronaldo either because they stars by their own right . This little boy from Rosario, who accidentally came to touch a football at the baby age of 4 has gone on to become footballs biggest icons. He is human and he is divine. There almost seems like a divine intervention when he is foot touches the ball.  His team mates and country love him like none other. I am amazed by the awe and a...

Everyday, we read numerous posts of so many different people in situations, that bring unhappiness and many of these are circumstantial. At a high level, it does appear that life is challenging and stressful at many levels. There are so many stressors - job, kids, in laws etc . In most situation's it is imperative that one sees a therapist to seek guidance .  One of the most important parts of when we are dealing with issues - Where do we stand in this journey?  In a lot of ways the key part of solving this problem of issues around us - is how well do we know ourselves ? How much self acceptance do we give ourselves - appearance or situations . Do we acknowledge or accept the situation as it is ? The journey starts with oneself . Before we know about other's around us . And the fact remains we will never be able to fully know someone, even in a life time . Parents,partners, siblings, children are human beings and they are bound to make shifts , changes in their behaviour . But...

Do you find yourself feeling helpless ? Is the world against you and you are fighting a constant battle.? Do you feel that others are responsible for situations that have led to you to a point in life ? Do you compare yourself to others and feel disappointed about life ?  Chances are that you may gone through a traumatic experience or a series of experiences and perhaps need healing or help to fight these inner demons . The possibility of being in the victim mindset may blur the brigther side and seeing things for as they are . Are you taking responsibility or accountability for your actions or do you find the constant need to blame a partner, a family member, a parent or a sibling perhaps. ? The victim mindset as it is called is not only draining for the person but a form of exhaustion for everyone around . To a point everyone feels helpless . If you had to take a step back and probably look at specific situations with a broader lens or be aware of the growth mindset,...

Did we have a choice then ? Maybe not. Some of the events in our life are not a choice . They have happened and cannot be undone . Choice is a powerful tool and we wake up to choices every day . Right from the moment we decide what time to wake and probably most of our day And so the we may choose to dwell in a place of discomfort or we may choose to look not to spend our time and mental energy on something we cannot do anything about.  The only thing we can do something about is make a choices. Our choices may be good and bad and for those we must take accountability. Everyday we may difficult choices , but can we try to make a choice. Can we choose joy over sadness? Can we choose compassion over anger ?  Can we choose kindness over hate ? Can we choose forgiveness ? Can we choose to love than to resent ? Can we choose living in the moment? Can we choose the power of our breath ? So we do have the power how to feel about a certain situation.  Some of our choices are only...

I was watching some news shows on women's day today and I came across #sharetheload campaign. It is obviously something that is hard to drill down a man's head that they should be sharing household chores. Most Indian men to my knowledge wouldn't. Some very woke men are pro sharing chores like washing the dishes, folding a laundry etc . The social conditioning on gender based roles is so deep rooted in our system is that it is almost equivalent to a generational curse. This is something that men are pre-conditioned with . A lot of this can be attributed to the upbringing and the social construct . I have come across the most modern men, who think it's not for them to do chores.  Many women are lucky if they have partners who do share the load. In a traditional set up may be it was because "the man" was said to be the breadwinner and he would come back after a hard days work . But the fact that being a homemaker is a full time job, is often neglected. Roles ha...

You are okay !  You will be okay !  Maybe the outcome is not what makes you feel okay . Maybe the expectations of the outcome were different. Things don't always work out the way we want them to. But it is a fleeting moment or everything we have around us is momentary . Clichéd  but true - Change is the only constant . This overwhelming feeling with change too . You are okay and maybe you have to realign and adjust when things dont according to plan . You are okay and you will be okay . You will always be okay . This situation is temporary.  Acceptance of what it is .  You may not be in a life situation that you wanted to be , but you are okay . It is disappointing and it is hard , but it will pass . You have your flaws and you are perfect. Perfect in the eyes of many , maybe you dont see it now . But you will.  Self acceptance is what you can do for yourself. Self acceptance outside of the judgements .The judgements of yourself and others . For...

The beginning of the year  calls upon reflections of the last year. Most often than not the amazing parts or sometimes the not-so-good parts. Each of us has our own share of ecstatic moments or sometimes completely the opposite. Some years bring us joy and some sadness and sometimes it's a mixed bag of emotions. Wherever we are we end up thinking about what we doing last year at this time. New year resolutions are pass é. What we really need are intentions and practice these intentions consciously and with mindfulness. How do we move forward and bring peace and calmness into our lives? What are the constant reminders we need? Let us remind ourselves that wherever we stand in life, we have one tiny thing to be thankful or grateful for however challenging situations may be. Let's find that one thing and embrace gratitude. Let's embrace kindness in our hearts - first towards ourselves and spread whatever we can to everyone around us. Lets us practice loving kindness with the d...

Everyone who knows me, also knows how paranoid I was about travelling back home and taking an air plane. I knew this wasn't going to be for someone who has some level of anxiety already. My paranoia got me to take the first seat on the plane by the window. I made sure I was wearing a mask and a shield and I assumed that fellow travellers were being careful too. The whole piece of travelling is about being careful, I guess. But I realised that my countrymen didn't think of it that way. First things first, you need to check-in before your flight. When  entering into the airport you have to pull down your mask to match your face with your ID. The BSF guys are in a glass cabin.  But that is where you realise, that there is absolutely NO social distancing.  The airport authorities and airline staff have taken the effort of placing yellow markers all over the place. But I am assuming everyone is colour blind. This is THE most simple instruction - Maintain distance. It beats me ...

  When 2020 began, we rang in the new year in Hyderabad . We had a real fun night and we didn’t have a curfew or weren't wearing a mask. On the 1st,  we went out for a lovely lunch and I don’t think we were predicting the year ahead. We were planning . The last time I had actually met my family for a great gettogether was Jan 2020. And then I don’t have a memory of how this year has been . Feb went by and then came March. I remember I was  in office when the first covid-19 case was detected in Hyderabad and then it was suddenly Work From Home. I did love the WFH situation . I first started to notice my house and little things around. I know that this phase was a stop and it got us to pay attention to the little things around us .  Then came the video calls with family and friends.  Everyone was on houseparty, until we came across the data breach. We bonded as people in general. The pandemic taught us things every single day . From cooking to hacks! Some of us sp...

  Have you ever experienced unconditional acceptance? Can we relate to people with zero judgments? While it may be impossible to find such an equation, it is necessary to have those people in your life who do not judge you. But before that do it is important to assess if you make judgements about yourself. Unconditional acceptance is need from you for yourself before you expect others to accept you. How do we learn to love when we cannot unconditionally accept? Love is a transient emotion—every changing and highly overrated. But it is also what makes the world go round. Take, for example, a relationship between a parent and child; why would we want a child to behave a certain way that doesn’t fit our scheme of parenting or just social conditioning. The same would apply to an equation between friends, siblings, and so on. This unconditional acceptance doesn’t mean that one has to ignore the negative traits of a person like abuse, narcissism, or any other harmful patterns. If there i...

  Often times we live in a narrative we have either been fed or our feeding ourselves. Our thoughts are not always true and it is important that we nip them in the bud. The story or the narrative we tell ourselves is how we go about our relationships, careers, and social life. This doesn’t apply to ourselves, it is also the story that we tell ourselves about others. We choose to believe what our mind tells us to. We get fixated on people and put them into boxes because that’s the story we have built around them. When we come into this world our life is almost like a blank canvas. Maybe not really blank, because we inherit traits, behaviors, or even genes. But outside of that our life experiences start making their way through this canvas. Now our canvas is painted with different colors some bright and some not so bright. We get to choose the picture we are painting every single day. Those are the stories we tell ourselves. We may want to do so many things, almost like a wish list, ...

A people pleaser maybe some one who just cannot say no, at the cost of making other people happy. It could mean that you want to avoid conflict. Most often than not people pleasing is simply exhausting. Where does people pleasing come from? Sometimes from the need to be accepted . Fear of rejection is a driver that makes most of us become people pleasers. A constant sense to indicate that you may be hurting the other person by saying no. People pleasing would mean constantly allowing people to cross your boundaries. It is therefore important to reflect and understand what your boundaries are . While it is seen as a nice trait in people at a superficial level , it can be equally damaging. You may find people taking you for granted. You may find yourself physically or emotionally drained. You may find yourself ending up in an abusive situation. Being nice to people, may not always be a good at the cost of your peace and the rate of emotional depletion. Learning to say No doesn’t come int...

Over a period of time, we traverse through life and develop a set of beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs are a culmination of things we've heard from our primary caregivers - grandparents, parents, siblings, etc. Growing up we develop a belief system that comes from interacting with our classmates at school and things we have been told by our teachers. These limiting beliefs paralyze our way of thinking and are definitely obstacles in These are deeply rooted in our subconscious and our brain mostly confirms these beliefs to form a thinking pattern. These beliefs mainly come from our childhood and transform into a series of experiences as adults. Our beliefs are formed from our experiences and these could be positive or negative. We start to expect certain things, based on our belief systems, and the brain influences the outcomes. For eg. If a teacher said you weren't good enough at math, that may have formed a part of your belief system. This will somewhere manifest in some ...

Most often than not, we don’t end up doing things we want to do operating from a place of fear? Moving out of our comfort zone becomes challenging because we are sometimes crippled by fear. But what happens if take that chance? We don’t know what we are losing out on the other side of this fear? What if it works out? - That move, that relationship, that life event, that business plan? - What if it all just falls into place. Why do we have to catastrophize the thought of doing something or experiencing something we have never experienced before. ? Instead enjoy the experience. What happens if we fail? Nothing really. We just learn, failure being a great teacher. Look back and think of the times you have failed and see how much you've learned. In order for us to be successful, it is important we experience failure. How would we otherwise know what success looks like? Failure is not a bad thing at all. Even though it has such a negative connotation to it. Every failure we come across ...

  Today I want to talk about self-compassion. Most often than not we have a lot of compassion for others, but probably when it comes to us, we forget about compassion. Think about a time when you felt compassion for someone. Could be a family member or a friend or even a person on the street? Now pause and think about what are some of the things you do or say out of compassion. Very naturally, some of us would offer a hug or just say something meaningful to make the other person feel better. But when it comes to us, we are quite judgmental. We are harsh critics of ourselves. Self-compassion may just mean just being kind to ourselves. Quietening that critical voice within that keeps nagging us, mostly telling us that we are either no good enough or we are falling short of something somewhere. Pay attention to this self-talk. Our brain is wired in a way that the more we feed it with critical talk, it accepts the feed. The only way to rewire it or apply neuroplasticity is to change th...

  Holding a space is a very beautiful concept and some of us may be familiar with the concept in a very different form. Often when we share intimate relationships with our families, friends, or a romantic partner, we have a tendency to judge the person and may not fully be listening to what the other person is saying. How many times do we find ourselves responding to someone in our head, while the person is talking to us? Holding a space would mean not trivializing something that means a lot to a person who is telling you about how they feel. In their head, it is big, maybe not in yours. Respect that. Be present for the person. Be there. The most important part of holding a space for someone or yourself is allowing the person to feel what they want to feel, without giving your own opinions or suggestions. So for example a child comes to you crying and is upset, you try not to say statements like "you are brave" or distract the child by bringing up some form of instant gratifi...

I have touched on this topic in many ways before. As I sit with a cup of coffee, I wonder, how much time do we as humans spend worrying. Worrying about the future? Worrying about our children? Worrying about our parents? Worrying about money? Worrying about our jobs? The list is endless. We are on a spiral of thoughts. So let's take a step back? When we are in this spiral of worry, which is most often than not a waste of time? Worry can become an addiction and in turn, lead to anxiety. It also saps out a lot of energy out of us. There are many things that are completely out of our control and there comes a point when we need to come to the realization that we are not in control of circumstances. But what we are in control of is our thoughts. Is this worry actually giving us a solution? The last thought that we have before we go to bed, is the first thought that comes up in the morning. So it is important the last 30 minutes before we go to bed are completely relaxed for good qualit...