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Why is it so difficult to say no ?

How difficult is it to say NO.?.
Why do some of us find it difficult to push the NO button ?



You have been assigned a task ,you know the deliverable is not easy to accomplish but you still went ahead and said Yes. Did it make you in uncomfortable ? Yes it did, atleast a little.
You have been invited to get together , you don't seem to like the host but you still go .
Countless examples of how we have been conditioned to be conformists anyone who doesn't comply with norms becomes an outlier .

We face these situations everyday and probably have never been made aware of the fact that sometimes we need to draw our own visible lines . We stick to people who make us uncomfortable and we feel horrible about but there are complex emotions attached . At the end of the day these weigh us down and ultimately manifest into anger, resentment frustration.

It is indeed extremely difficult to draw your boundaries. But it is a process. Being vocal and telling someone that they are being a certain way is hard . But this is hard only at the beginning .

Our social conditioning makes us believe that is not the right thing to do . We are obligated to be nice. It is important to be liked and accepted. A very basic human need and an instinct.

Over the years this becomes a part of our DNA and we out of maintaining relationships, keeping others around us happy are weighed down by this trap of succumbing to situations that make us uncomfortable  / unhappy .

So is there a fix ? May be there is . We need to first identify the feelings that we develop when ae agree to something that we dont want to do .There is a fine balance we can strike . A no can be said very. politely 

Examples :
A) If you want to not talk to a person who drains you out emotionally - " I need some time off and that has nothing to do with you.".
If its an invitation you dont want to go to.
B) Let me think about it . 
C) Can we do this some other time .?
D) Can I get back to you in a couple of days ? 

If its a work assignment.
A) Is that something you need me to prioritise over the other deliverables.
B ) I am wondering if this can be completed by the deadline assigned by you - I am guessing I would need more time 
C) Can we talk about this , I may have some challenges in getting this done by the proposed deadline .

You get the drift . You dont always have to be the Yes man. Sometimes you may lose yourself in the process. Try and buy time if you really need to set your boundaries. Remember its more about you than anyone else .

Comments

  1. Hyde'rabadi'June 1, 2020 at 5:18 PM

    Some very relevant points you’ve brought about Stacey. They resonate. In the meanwhile, may I request that you check your LinkedIn messages? Thanks.

    ReplyDelete

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