Emotional Abuse - The Silent Killer

In a society where very little attention is paid to the repercussions of behaviors and patterns, some things become intrinsic to us. Sab chalta hai ! (Everything works). You are in school and your classmates bully you - it works. You, in turn, bully other people and this whole cycle is one you are unaware of which may translate into other areas of your life. The huge expanse of things said to over a period become second nature to you. A belief system that is you start to internalize. Statements such as "I am dumb" "I am fat". People telling you this over and over.

The most common being "You are not good enough". Someone at some point may have said this to you to remind you of your shortcomings and you somehow internalized it. That one statement manifested in many ways and maybe in your relationships and work-life today. This has happened over a period of years and you repeat the pattern. This time you are the perpetrator. You want to say to the same thing to someone. Now, this is just one example. The price of not standing up for yourself that one time. And probably you didn’t know what standing up for yourself was.

Another example would be and one that I have heard with my male friends - Mother to son - If you marry that girl I shall kill myself" - While we may look at it as a highly dramatic statement, it is not. Imagine the effect it has on the son. He holds himself guilty for his mother's distress.

Or a lover to another - If you leave me - I will do such and such. Where did we learn this kind of vocabulary? I would think a lot of it has to do with the media that was consumed. Bollywood?

A lot of people have a great amount of toxicity in their lives. The sooner one realizes the easier it is to make that pattern shift. You may even hear children picking up such damaging and devastating statements from their parents or immediate environment. We actually have no clue what the good and bad influences on our lives have been.

Every individual has some amount of toxicity that has been passed on through generations. But the question is would you accept your own toxic patterns? Acceptance of our own toxic patterns by far is the most difficult thing to do. But if you don’t identify these negative patterns they do hamper a large part of your adult life and manifest in your relationships with friends, lovers, partners, co-workers et al.

Challenge your negative belief system. You are not what others make you to be. You are good enough.

Comments

itadaki Mas - The Japanese thank you for the meal at the table .

頂きます（いただきます） to receive; to get; to accept; to take (humble). This explains why you say it before you eat. You're "receiving" food, after all. Itadakimasu (and its dictionary form itadaku 頂くいただ ) comes from Japan's roots in Buddhism, which teaches respect for all living things. I was introduced to itadaki masu by my Japanese friend Etsuko who had dinner with us at my home in Lonavala. It turned out that Etsuko had a sudden pasta craving and wanted me to cook some for her. Before our meal, Etsuko thanked my mother with clasped palms as a gesture of gratitude, for the hands that cook our meals. Etsuko then introduced us to the concept of itadak imasu and also told us that this meant saying thank you to everyone in the chain of food distribution - bringing to mind the farmer and his family, the truck driver who drives the produce to the city and so on . A second of thought is given to each person in this chain of bringing food to our table. At that point, I remember b...

Be like the moss :)

Have you ever noticed "moss" ?Yes, the green stuff that grows all over . Have you ever paid attention to the moss growing on a rock or a wall . Where I grew up, there is a lot of moss when it rains. It always makes the wall look colorful with different shades of green. Does the moss know it doesn’t get any attention from us ? Does it care ? Perhaps not. It continues to provide a great habitat and is a source of food for many insects. Did you know that the moss helps the ecosystem perform effectively ? It plays quite an interesting role in retaining water, stabilizing the ground and removing CO2. In World War II, Sphagnum moss was used as a bandage to stop bleeding wounds and it had some antibiotic effects. So some mosses have healing properties too. Now does the moss know that it is such a critical part of the ecosystem and still does not get the attention it deserves. ? But does it stop thriving or does it selflessly continue doing its jo...

Are you a people pleaser?

A people pleaser maybe some one who just cannot say no, at the cost of making other people happy. It could mean that you want to avoid conflict. Most often than not people pleasing is simply exhausting. Where does people pleasing come from? Sometimes from the need to be accepted . Fear of rejection is a driver that makes most of us become people pleasers. A constant sense to indicate that you may be hurting the other person by saying no. People pleasing would mean constantly allowing people to cross your boundaries. It is therefore important to reflect and understand what your boundaries are . While it is seen as a nice trait in people at a superficial level , it can be equally damaging. You may find people taking you for granted. You may find yourself physically or emotionally drained. You may find yourself ending up in an abusive situation. Being nice to people, may not always be a good at the cost of your peace and the rate of emotional depletion. Learning to say No doesn’t come int...

When thoughts become things..

Search This Blog